My Relationships are a HOT FLAMING MESS!!!

My relationship is a HOT FLAMING MESS!!!

I remember when dating used to be really simple.  He said he liked you. He made time to see you. He called; to hear the sound of your voice. He made you feel special.  He wanted you to meet his mother. HE WAS YOUR MAN.  What happen to the simple days of dating?  Something has happen!!  Men are different and so are the women; myself included. 

The next few months or so; I’m going to take a closer look into how relationships have evolved into what I’m calling a HOT FLAMING MESS!!

Ok, let take an inventory.  What do we know?  We know that there is a very high divorce rate. We know more women are able to take care of themselves…. financially. We know that men and women lack the necessary skills needed to maintain a healthy relationship…. Or do we? We know our young boys are missing father figures and male mentors to teach them how to be THE man in the relationship. (No disrespect fella’s).  We also know our young girls are giving up the cookie, (the sweet stuff) way too soon!!  But, all that still does not answer the question. How did we get here??  Our relationships are A HOT FLAMING MESS!!

I was told that my aunt was at the park with her daughter several years ago; and recalled seeing the little girls chasing the little boys around the park.  When did that happen?  When did it become socially acceptable for girls to be chasing boy or women chasing men for that matter?   When did the tables turn?  And, why did they turn?  It’s my opinion that the change, was NOT for the better.  Relationships are an all time low!   A HOT FLAMING MESS!!

I will be taking a closer look into the breakdown of the family, which I believe has a lot to do with the shift in the relationships.  More partners are cheating and more partners are accepting the cheating.  When did that happen?

It’s funny, my 13-year-old son has been in a 3 year relationship, with the same girl……..yeah, I said 3 years and yes he is only 13 years old.  Anyway, my point is; he has not ventured away from this girl to be with another one.  Now, they have broken up a few times, but have always gotten back together.  I can’t speak on her behalf, so I don’t know if she has remained faithful to him or not.  But, my son has a mind-set to be with one girl at a time.  WOW!!!  I’m wonder if he will always be that way; a one woman-man.  Or will something happen or someone happen to change his outlook.  I know, he is going to experience heartbreaks and heartaches but, depending on how often, will probably determine if he remains the same or not.

As for me, I have had my share of heartbreaks and heartaches.  And, I know that has a lot to do with my attitude towards relationships and my tolerance while I’m in them.  I know, you are supposed to leave the last relationship at the door.  But, that is easier said than done.  I secretly, believe WE all need a little therapy when it comes to maintaining a healthy relationship. I know; I know we don’t need to see anyone; we are doing such a great job at it!! (Smile). But, since we won’t go and speak to someone (professionally), then we owe it to ourselves to try our best to figure out this thing called LOVE, SEX and relationships.

I will be trying to answer my own questions and any questions you may post.  Or maybe we can come up with the answers together.

I must be honest; I’m taking this on for a personal reason. (I will talk more on that in days to come).  But, I’m also hopeful that I will stumble across information that can be useful to others as well.

With all that said, I’m excited about looking deeper into the reasons why our relationships are such a HOT FLAMING MESS! And how we can get back on track in obtaining and maintaining healthy relationships? ……..But, were they ever???? ………That remains to be seen.

Until next time,

    Love and be loved

             Charlette Marie

Are Black Men Getting Married?

Are Black Men Getting Married?

Lately, there has been a lot of talk about “Black Women NOT being married”…….Why?

 1)    Standards are too high 

2)    Black Man shortage 

 3)    Less likely to date outside their race 

 4)    Too bossy (whatever!) 

 5)    Aggressive attitude 

 6)    Black men are in prison, gay or dead 

Those are just a few reasons, which I have heard; why Black Women are not or never have been married? I would like to add to the list; “Maybe some Black Women do not want to get married”.  Because they do not want to deal with: 

 1)    Infidelity 

 2)    Physical or verbal abuse 

 3)    Sharing their time with someone 

 4)    Sharing their space with someone 

 5)    Thinking about another person’s feelings 

 6)    Taking care of a man physically and/or financially

Anyway, I now have a new question?  If Black Women are not getting married, is it safe to say, “That Black Men are not getting married and if they are, who are they marrying? 

 So, I started to do a little research on the percentage of Black Men who are married and who they are actually marrying?  

Well, let me start of by saying, finding these stats were not easy.  I kept finding sites on; The Black Men in Prison and Black Men Marrying White Women.  

But, I finally got lucky and found a few sites, answering my questions.  

1)    http://www.essence.com  (Relationship Commentary: The Black Man Shortage by: Demetria L. Lucas). 

Esscence.com had a very interesting story.  What is with all the talk about BLACK WOMEN not being married?  “This is a problem in all races”.   As the author of this story recalls; remember Sex and the City???  “This is a problem not only with the African American women, but all women”.  She also states, “51% of Latina woman are unmarried, so are 45% of non-Hispanic White women, and 41% of Asian women”. 

2)     http://www.mediatakeout.com/ by Rev Billy bob 

A few more  interesting facts. 

In 1950 62% of all African American women were married.
In 1950 64% of all African American men were married.
In 2000 36% of all African American women were married.
In 2000 43% of all African American men were married. 

93% of black men, who do marry, choose to marry Black Women

3)    http://www.tiredblackman.com/ (“Don’t believe the hype” by Tim Alexander) 

This is an insert from the article, in which I thought was worth sharing.  42 percent of Black Men were married, compared with 31 percent of Black Women. In contrast, 10 percent of Black women were widowed, compared with 3 percent of Black men.
9.5 percent of Black Men were divorced and 12.8 percent of Black women
4.4 percent of Black Men were separated and 5.9 percent of Black women
41.6 percent of Black Men never married and 39.7 percent of Black women 

That was a lot to take in.  I believe the problem is not a “Marriage Problem”, I believe we have a “Relationship Problem”.  Let’s focus on having a Good Relationships first. 

We as a society are not “Relationship Savvy”. We do not have ‘Relationship skills’ to overcome conflict as we move through the stages of our relationships. We may have unrealistic expectations as to how a relationship should flow. My suggestion is to talk to someone other than our friends.  Our friends will probably think just as we do and sometimes we need a different perspective to see things clearly. 

Lesson for today: 

‘Let’s spend less time planning the wedding day and more time planning our lives together” 

Live, Love and Laugh Often 

Charlette Marie 

FYI:  views and opinions expressed on these sites do not necessarily express the views and opinions of Charlette Marie.

So, a teacher is frustrated…and what else is new?

Once again another teacher has taking their Personal Frustrations out on a child?  

Please check out the latest incident, involving a teacher not handling her emotions and/or not using her coping skills, to address an issue with a student at: www.bvblackspin.com

This was a control issue and the teacher lose!!!

I’m not at all surprised by the actions of this teacher!  This type of behavior from teachers is happening everywhere and nothing is really being done to correct the problem.  The education system needs to be modified to fit the needs of the children today. Teachers are not engaging or creative when it comes to educating our children. I just do not understand what more do our children have to do, in order to get the attention of educators to improve the education system?

Do our children need to act out more in class?

Do our children need to receive lower test scores?

Do we need more children to drop out of school?

 This is not a child/student problem.  This is a parent/teacher problem!!!

 Now, what are we going to do about it???

Live, Love and Laugh

Charlette