Too Young To Have a “Difficult” Attitude

Well, over the weekend, my son said something very interesting to me.  Keep in mind he is only 13 years old. 

Out of nowhere, my son says, “this summer I’m only going to ‘date’ white girls”.  (I’m assuming ‘date’ means talk to on the phone or possibly meeting up at the mall)

Anyway I say, “really…… and Why?

He then says, “Black girls are too difficult”. 

 I say; really……and why do you say that?

He proceeds to give me an example.

“In school, if you see a black girl upset or something and you ask her what is wrong; she will say, none of your business and make an ugly face at you. But, if you see a white girl upset, and ask her what is wrong, she might say, nothing or something like that; without the attitude”

I thought that was very profound for a 13-year-old to notice. 

Because it is no secret, that black women are known to have a more “difficult attitude” then white women. My question or concern would be; why the attitude is starting so soon?  Is it the culture we live in, the role models or is it genetics?

Why are black girls (women) so difficult? 

As a black woman, I would say, the attitude comes from dating the wrong type of man and trying to change him into the right type of man.  And, during that time going through hell and back; all in the name of what we thought was love, only to do it again, with someone different.

That may explain the insanity, of the black women, but what is the explanation for the young black girls.

Just another question, I will explore in the weeks to come.

Until next time,

      Love and be loved,

          Charlette Marie

Is He ‘Feeling’ Me?

Well, my quest continues; as I try to unlock the mysteries of this thing we call “Relationships”.  I have a lot questions. Some that have been answered and some that have not.  I have been fascinated with the term ‘relationships’ for a long time.  It is fascinating to me, that we, men and women were put here to co-exist together…….. harmoniously, I would think? But, as we all know, most of us are not experiencing this harmonious way of living in a relationships.  I ‘am in search of answers to questions, old and new as to ‘why’ our ‘relationships ‘are struggling to stay alive.

I heard something today, which was very interesting to me.  I have heard it before, but for some reason today, it was like I heard it for the first time.   You know sometimes we have to hear things at different times, in different ways and from different people; before you actually ‘hear it’. 

Men don’t commit based on a time frame.  They commit based on a ‘Feeling of wanting to commit’. 

Key word there is “FEELING”… Well, who knew that?  It’s not about being with him for years and years or nagging him, giving him good sex, not giving him sex at all, breaking-up with him, only to go back at the end of night or making him jealous.  A man has to FEEL IT!!  And, for the record, he has to feel it, on his own.  There is nothing we can do to push it along.  Very interesting!

I was in a 10 year so-called relationship.  Looking back on it now, I was really in a relationship all by myself.  I can laugh at it now.  I tried every possible ‘game’ in the book, to get this man to commit.  I tried all of the above and some others. And, nothing worked.  Needless, to say, we are not together today. I got tired of trying to make something happen, which just was not going to happen.

Now, on the hand, I just meant a guy a week ago and he was ready to commit.  When I say, “he was ready to commit” he was ready within 3 days!!!! He was “Feeling” something!!!  But, I was not.  He wanted to explore getting to know each other, exclusively.   I have never heard of that!  I can see becoming exclusive, but not starting out a relationship exclusive.  What is that about?

Don’t get me wrong, I felt like that for the 10 year guy. I knew right away, I wanted to be him and only him.   It was a ‘feeling’.  It seems as though; women get the ‘feeling’ more often and sooner, then men. 

I guess another question would be? As women, how do we know the ‘feeling’ means “men want to commit to us or just have sex”?

I have a lot of work to do.

Until next time,

      Love and be loved

                Charlette Marie

My Relationships are a HOT FLAMING MESS!!!

My relationship is a HOT FLAMING MESS!!!

I remember when dating used to be really simple.  He said he liked you. He made time to see you. He called; to hear the sound of your voice. He made you feel special.  He wanted you to meet his mother. HE WAS YOUR MAN.  What happen to the simple days of dating?  Something has happen!!  Men are different and so are the women; myself included. 

The next few months or so; I’m going to take a closer look into how relationships have evolved into what I’m calling a HOT FLAMING MESS!!

Ok, let take an inventory.  What do we know?  We know that there is a very high divorce rate. We know more women are able to take care of themselves…. financially. We know that men and women lack the necessary skills needed to maintain a healthy relationship…. Or do we? We know our young boys are missing father figures and male mentors to teach them how to be THE man in the relationship. (No disrespect fella’s).  We also know our young girls are giving up the cookie, (the sweet stuff) way too soon!!  But, all that still does not answer the question. How did we get here??  Our relationships are A HOT FLAMING MESS!!

I was told that my aunt was at the park with her daughter several years ago; and recalled seeing the little girls chasing the little boys around the park.  When did that happen?  When did it become socially acceptable for girls to be chasing boy or women chasing men for that matter?   When did the tables turn?  And, why did they turn?  It’s my opinion that the change, was NOT for the better.  Relationships are an all time low!   A HOT FLAMING MESS!!

I will be taking a closer look into the breakdown of the family, which I believe has a lot to do with the shift in the relationships.  More partners are cheating and more partners are accepting the cheating.  When did that happen?

It’s funny, my 13-year-old son has been in a 3 year relationship, with the same girl……..yeah, I said 3 years and yes he is only 13 years old.  Anyway, my point is; he has not ventured away from this girl to be with another one.  Now, they have broken up a few times, but have always gotten back together.  I can’t speak on her behalf, so I don’t know if she has remained faithful to him or not.  But, my son has a mind-set to be with one girl at a time.  WOW!!!  I’m wonder if he will always be that way; a one woman-man.  Or will something happen or someone happen to change his outlook.  I know, he is going to experience heartbreaks and heartaches but, depending on how often, will probably determine if he remains the same or not.

As for me, I have had my share of heartbreaks and heartaches.  And, I know that has a lot to do with my attitude towards relationships and my tolerance while I’m in them.  I know, you are supposed to leave the last relationship at the door.  But, that is easier said than done.  I secretly, believe WE all need a little therapy when it comes to maintaining a healthy relationship. I know; I know we don’t need to see anyone; we are doing such a great job at it!! (Smile). But, since we won’t go and speak to someone (professionally), then we owe it to ourselves to try our best to figure out this thing called LOVE, SEX and relationships.

I will be trying to answer my own questions and any questions you may post.  Or maybe we can come up with the answers together.

I must be honest; I’m taking this on for a personal reason. (I will talk more on that in days to come).  But, I’m also hopeful that I will stumble across information that can be useful to others as well.

With all that said, I’m excited about looking deeper into the reasons why our relationships are such a HOT FLAMING MESS! And how we can get back on track in obtaining and maintaining healthy relationships? ……..But, were they ever???? ………That remains to be seen.

Until next time,

    Love and be loved

             Charlette Marie

What Type Of Lover Are You?

What type of lover are you?

1) The “Duck-and-Weave Lover”: This is the lover; that has no idea what they are doing, but they think they do.

2) The “Pogo-Stick Lover”: This is the lover; that is moving all over the place, but not in the right place.

3) The “Kitchen-Countertop Lover”: This is the lover that is down for whatever; anywhere and anytime.

4) The “It’s-All-About-Me Lover”: This is the lover; that will go out of their way to please you; however, it is really all about their own enjoyment and not yours. (This one can be tricky)

5) The” Wanna-Be-Superman Lover”: This is the lover; that with a dose of Kryptonite they can be ALL That!

6) The “That-A-Boy or Girl Lover”: This is the lover; that needs a lot of encouraging words to perform at their fullest potential.

7) The “Here-We-Go-Again Lover”: This is the lover; that you could set your watch to. (you always know what is coming next).

8) The “Do-Over Lover”: This is the lover; that think the second time around will be really, really better.

9) The “Say-What-You-Mean and Mean What You Say-Lover”: This is the lover; that talked a good game, but did not or could not back it up.

10) The “Toe-Twisting Lover”: This is the lover; that seems to have magical powers.

Good relationships are not all about the type of ‘loving’ you are getting or not getting. There are other variables that make a good relationship….Trust, Honesty, Faithfulness, Compatibility, Ability to effectively communicate with one another, Intimacy etc. And, if you can laugh out loud together, that is half the battle.

Lesson For Today:
Good lovers can be those partners that we are emotionally and mentally attracted to.

Live, Love and Laugh Often
Charlette Marie

What is the woman’s role on a date or in a relationship?

Ok…let’s talk about the ROLE(s) women and men should play on a date or even as a couple.

I believe in the middle of everything that has happen in our society, from women becoming more independent, to the break-down of our families; somewhere along the way, the ROLES of women and men have changed. There are now, men in the household acting like women (if there is a man in the home at all). And, there are now, women acting like men; as if they DO NOT NEED a man…..What is that about?

What has happen or is happening to the family origin?

Live, Love and Laugh

Charlette