Check out my new website!!!

Check me out on wwww.blogtalkradio.com/conversationalcorner on Saturdays between 7pm-8pm EST.   For Real Talk about Real Stuff!!!  SEE YOU THERE!

                                                                                          Also,

I’m in the final stages of creating my new website….THE CONVERSATIONAL CORNER.   This site will be about ALL that is important to me.  I’m planning on having an internet radio talk show on blog talk radio and have my shows featured on my new website: http://www.conversationalcorner.com

My show will be a platform to discuss issues that are affecting our families and relationships.  My goal is to collectively find the answers to creating a healthier and happier society. Topics such a relationships, education and of course the incarceration system will be addressed.    Visit me http://www.conversationalcorner.com and of my new Internet radio show at www.blogtalkradio.com/conversationalcorner

Until then, be true to you.

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Too Young To Have a “Difficult” Attitude

Well, over the weekend, my son said something very interesting to me.  Keep in mind he is only 13 years old. 

Out of nowhere, my son says, “this summer I’m only going to ‘date’ white girls”.  (I’m assuming ‘date’ means talk to on the phone or possibly meeting up at the mall)

Anyway I say, “really…… and Why?

He then says, “Black girls are too difficult”. 

 I say; really……and why do you say that?

He proceeds to give me an example.

“In school, if you see a black girl upset or something and you ask her what is wrong; she will say, none of your business and make an ugly face at you. But, if you see a white girl upset, and ask her what is wrong, she might say, nothing or something like that; without the attitude”

I thought that was very profound for a 13-year-old to notice. 

Because it is no secret, that black women are known to have a more “difficult attitude” then white women. My question or concern would be; why the attitude is starting so soon?  Is it the culture we live in, the role models or is it genetics?

Why are black girls (women) so difficult? 

As a black woman, I would say, the attitude comes from dating the wrong type of man and trying to change him into the right type of man.  And, during that time going through hell and back; all in the name of what we thought was love, only to do it again, with someone different.

That may explain the insanity, of the black women, but what is the explanation for the young black girls.

Just another question, I will explore in the weeks to come.

Until next time,

      Love and be loved,

          Charlette Marie

Are you really available??

OK, this is day 3 of me really thinking about the lack of evolution surrounding our relationships.   

I have a lot going on right now, which has nothing to do with my relationships.  But, the more I think about it; maybe it does, because if I’m feeling stressed, frustrated and overwhelmed, it has to boil over somewhere; and normally, its spills out on to the ones closest to us.  Maybe, I should take a closer look at how my life is affecting those closest to me?  That’s what I really mean, when I say; “the lack of evolution surrounding our relationships”.

When I speak about relationships; I’m speaking in terms of ALL types of relationships. 

Family relationships; Workplace relationships; Neighborhood /Community relationships and of course the relationship, we have with ourselves.  I’m going to examine all aspects of relationships and try to expose the necked truth as to why our relationships are in such a distorted dysfunctional reality? And, ultimately; bring about awareness and a consciousness for all us to put more effort into creating healthier more loving relationships.

Yesterday, I mentioned, that I had met this guy who wanted to be VERY available to me, within 3 days.  I told him, the next man I choose to be with, MUST be available.   I always seem to attract men that are unavailable, either emotionally, mentally, spiritually or physically.  So, when this most recent guy, was trying to be VERY available to me, why did it turn me off????   It was just too much, too soon!!   

So, I guess the real question is, “Do I really want a man to be available to me???  Or was he just not my type”?

This is what some men would say is the problem.  That some women do not know what they want?  But, I wouldn’t say “that at all”. 

 I know what I want…..I just, want…. What I want….. When I want it!!!

 Am I spoiled, or am I exercising my God-given right.

 Only, time will tell!

Until next time,

     Love and Be Loved,

              Charlette Marie

Is He ‘Feeling’ Me?

Well, my quest continues; as I try to unlock the mysteries of this thing we call “Relationships”.  I have a lot questions. Some that have been answered and some that have not.  I have been fascinated with the term ‘relationships’ for a long time.  It is fascinating to me, that we, men and women were put here to co-exist together…….. harmoniously, I would think? But, as we all know, most of us are not experiencing this harmonious way of living in a relationships.  I ‘am in search of answers to questions, old and new as to ‘why’ our ‘relationships ‘are struggling to stay alive.

I heard something today, which was very interesting to me.  I have heard it before, but for some reason today, it was like I heard it for the first time.   You know sometimes we have to hear things at different times, in different ways and from different people; before you actually ‘hear it’. 

Men don’t commit based on a time frame.  They commit based on a ‘Feeling of wanting to commit’. 

Key word there is “FEELING”… Well, who knew that?  It’s not about being with him for years and years or nagging him, giving him good sex, not giving him sex at all, breaking-up with him, only to go back at the end of night or making him jealous.  A man has to FEEL IT!!  And, for the record, he has to feel it, on his own.  There is nothing we can do to push it along.  Very interesting!

I was in a 10 year so-called relationship.  Looking back on it now, I was really in a relationship all by myself.  I can laugh at it now.  I tried every possible ‘game’ in the book, to get this man to commit.  I tried all of the above and some others. And, nothing worked.  Needless, to say, we are not together today. I got tired of trying to make something happen, which just was not going to happen.

Now, on the hand, I just meant a guy a week ago and he was ready to commit.  When I say, “he was ready to commit” he was ready within 3 days!!!! He was “Feeling” something!!!  But, I was not.  He wanted to explore getting to know each other, exclusively.   I have never heard of that!  I can see becoming exclusive, but not starting out a relationship exclusive.  What is that about?

Don’t get me wrong, I felt like that for the 10 year guy. I knew right away, I wanted to be him and only him.   It was a ‘feeling’.  It seems as though; women get the ‘feeling’ more often and sooner, then men. 

I guess another question would be? As women, how do we know the ‘feeling’ means “men want to commit to us or just have sex”?

I have a lot of work to do.

Until next time,

      Love and be loved

                Charlette Marie

My Relationships are a HOT FLAMING MESS!!!

My relationship is a HOT FLAMING MESS!!!

I remember when dating used to be really simple.  He said he liked you. He made time to see you. He called; to hear the sound of your voice. He made you feel special.  He wanted you to meet his mother. HE WAS YOUR MAN.  What happen to the simple days of dating?  Something has happen!!  Men are different and so are the women; myself included. 

The next few months or so; I’m going to take a closer look into how relationships have evolved into what I’m calling a HOT FLAMING MESS!!

Ok, let take an inventory.  What do we know?  We know that there is a very high divorce rate. We know more women are able to take care of themselves…. financially. We know that men and women lack the necessary skills needed to maintain a healthy relationship…. Or do we? We know our young boys are missing father figures and male mentors to teach them how to be THE man in the relationship. (No disrespect fella’s).  We also know our young girls are giving up the cookie, (the sweet stuff) way too soon!!  But, all that still does not answer the question. How did we get here??  Our relationships are A HOT FLAMING MESS!!

I was told that my aunt was at the park with her daughter several years ago; and recalled seeing the little girls chasing the little boys around the park.  When did that happen?  When did it become socially acceptable for girls to be chasing boy or women chasing men for that matter?   When did the tables turn?  And, why did they turn?  It’s my opinion that the change, was NOT for the better.  Relationships are an all time low!   A HOT FLAMING MESS!!

I will be taking a closer look into the breakdown of the family, which I believe has a lot to do with the shift in the relationships.  More partners are cheating and more partners are accepting the cheating.  When did that happen?

It’s funny, my 13-year-old son has been in a 3 year relationship, with the same girl……..yeah, I said 3 years and yes he is only 13 years old.  Anyway, my point is; he has not ventured away from this girl to be with another one.  Now, they have broken up a few times, but have always gotten back together.  I can’t speak on her behalf, so I don’t know if she has remained faithful to him or not.  But, my son has a mind-set to be with one girl at a time.  WOW!!!  I’m wonder if he will always be that way; a one woman-man.  Or will something happen or someone happen to change his outlook.  I know, he is going to experience heartbreaks and heartaches but, depending on how often, will probably determine if he remains the same or not.

As for me, I have had my share of heartbreaks and heartaches.  And, I know that has a lot to do with my attitude towards relationships and my tolerance while I’m in them.  I know, you are supposed to leave the last relationship at the door.  But, that is easier said than done.  I secretly, believe WE all need a little therapy when it comes to maintaining a healthy relationship. I know; I know we don’t need to see anyone; we are doing such a great job at it!! (Smile). But, since we won’t go and speak to someone (professionally), then we owe it to ourselves to try our best to figure out this thing called LOVE, SEX and relationships.

I will be trying to answer my own questions and any questions you may post.  Or maybe we can come up with the answers together.

I must be honest; I’m taking this on for a personal reason. (I will talk more on that in days to come).  But, I’m also hopeful that I will stumble across information that can be useful to others as well.

With all that said, I’m excited about looking deeper into the reasons why our relationships are such a HOT FLAMING MESS! And how we can get back on track in obtaining and maintaining healthy relationships? ……..But, were they ever???? ………That remains to be seen.

Until next time,

    Love and be loved

             Charlette Marie

Are Black Men Getting Married?

Are Black Men Getting Married?

Lately, there has been a lot of talk about “Black Women NOT being married”…….Why?

 1)    Standards are too high 

2)    Black Man shortage 

 3)    Less likely to date outside their race 

 4)    Too bossy (whatever!) 

 5)    Aggressive attitude 

 6)    Black men are in prison, gay or dead 

Those are just a few reasons, which I have heard; why Black Women are not or never have been married? I would like to add to the list; “Maybe some Black Women do not want to get married”.  Because they do not want to deal with: 

 1)    Infidelity 

 2)    Physical or verbal abuse 

 3)    Sharing their time with someone 

 4)    Sharing their space with someone 

 5)    Thinking about another person’s feelings 

 6)    Taking care of a man physically and/or financially

Anyway, I now have a new question?  If Black Women are not getting married, is it safe to say, “That Black Men are not getting married and if they are, who are they marrying? 

 So, I started to do a little research on the percentage of Black Men who are married and who they are actually marrying?  

Well, let me start of by saying, finding these stats were not easy.  I kept finding sites on; The Black Men in Prison and Black Men Marrying White Women.  

But, I finally got lucky and found a few sites, answering my questions.  

1)    http://www.essence.com  (Relationship Commentary: The Black Man Shortage by: Demetria L. Lucas). 

Esscence.com had a very interesting story.  What is with all the talk about BLACK WOMEN not being married?  “This is a problem in all races”.   As the author of this story recalls; remember Sex and the City???  “This is a problem not only with the African American women, but all women”.  She also states, “51% of Latina woman are unmarried, so are 45% of non-Hispanic White women, and 41% of Asian women”. 

2)     http://www.mediatakeout.com/ by Rev Billy bob 

A few more  interesting facts. 

In 1950 62% of all African American women were married.
In 1950 64% of all African American men were married.
In 2000 36% of all African American women were married.
In 2000 43% of all African American men were married. 

93% of black men, who do marry, choose to marry Black Women

3)    http://www.tiredblackman.com/ (“Don’t believe the hype” by Tim Alexander) 

This is an insert from the article, in which I thought was worth sharing.  42 percent of Black Men were married, compared with 31 percent of Black Women. In contrast, 10 percent of Black women were widowed, compared with 3 percent of Black men.
9.5 percent of Black Men were divorced and 12.8 percent of Black women
4.4 percent of Black Men were separated and 5.9 percent of Black women
41.6 percent of Black Men never married and 39.7 percent of Black women 

That was a lot to take in.  I believe the problem is not a “Marriage Problem”, I believe we have a “Relationship Problem”.  Let’s focus on having a Good Relationships first. 

We as a society are not “Relationship Savvy”. We do not have ‘Relationship skills’ to overcome conflict as we move through the stages of our relationships. We may have unrealistic expectations as to how a relationship should flow. My suggestion is to talk to someone other than our friends.  Our friends will probably think just as we do and sometimes we need a different perspective to see things clearly. 

Lesson for today: 

‘Let’s spend less time planning the wedding day and more time planning our lives together” 

Live, Love and Laugh Often 

Charlette Marie 

FYI:  views and opinions expressed on these sites do not necessarily express the views and opinions of Charlette Marie.

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU!

Awhile back I came across a really good book by Dr. Gary Chapman, Christian counselor and author of: The Five Love Languages. (www.fivelovelanguages.com)

• Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

• Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

• Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

• Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

• Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Did you know; we all express and interpret love differently?

How many times have someone said “I love you”???? And you were thinking their actions were saying, “Something totally different”. Personally, I’ve heard the words “I love you” quite a few times from the man in my life at the time. But, I have always said, “He loved me his way”.

After taking the assessment, I now know my “Love Language” and I’m able to articulate this to those that matter in my life. Knowing your “Love Language” can be very helpful not just in romantic relationships, but in relationships with family members too.

Take the test! You may be surprised. At the very least, being able to verbalize your needs and the needs of others is half the battle, in any healthy relationship.

Go to: www.fivelovelanguages.com  (If it does not download Copy and Paste in your browser )

Live, Love and Laugh Often
Charlette Marie

What Type Of Kisser Are You?

What Type of Kisser Are you?

1) The “Super-Soaker” Kisser: This is the kisser that leaves your face totally WET after kissing you and in some cases a very strange smell as well.

2) The “Lip-Sucker” Kisser: This is the kisser that is turned on by; sucking on your lips VERY hard and you are praying for them to let GO!

3) The “Tongue-Diver” Kisser: This is the kisser that enjoys trying to make their way down your throat with their tongue.

4) The “Tight-Lip” Kisser: This is the kisser that likes to grind their lips together when they are kissing you. Otherwise, known as the Grandma Kiss.

5) The “I know What You Ate” Kisser: This is the kisser that you can smell what they have ate as they lean in to kiss you and you can even taste it afterward.

6) The “Bootie-Call” Kisser: This is the kisser that will only kiss you either in the dark or after the dark.

7) The “Dry and Crusty” Kisser: This is the kisser that you would seriously consider buying an unlimited supply of lip balm for their birthday.

8) The “Put A leash On Your Tongue” Kisser: This is the kisser that likes to put their tongue in CRAZY places, such as: The inside of your nose or between your toes.

9) The “Noise-Maker” Kisser: This is the kisser that will make some form of a sound EVERY time they kiss you.

10) The “Smooth and Sexy” Kisser: This is the kisser that can kiss you so wonderfully; you know that they are probably wonderful in other areas.

It’s really nothing else to say about kissing. Either it’s good or it’s not. It’s really simple.

Live, Love and Laugh Often
Charlette Marie

Take Care Of You First and Worry About Me Second!

Just Another Question?

Should a MAN have any say so, when it comes to a WOMAN having an abortion?

Well, I say it depends on the CIRCUMSTANCES and the type of RELATIONSHIP the couple has or had.
If they were just SEX BUDDIES or FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS then NO. If they were in a SERIOUS and COMMITTED relationship (and both parties were on the same page), then YES.

This question came to mind; today, because I rode pass an abortion clinic and saw two MEN outside with signs, I guess PROTESTING.

I’ve always wonder why men would protest in front of an abortion clinic? Do they really BELIEVE they have a SAY, in what OTHER women do with their bodies or with what is IN their bodies.

If you haven’t already guessed, I’m Pro-Choice. I believe it is a woman’s RIGHT and hers alone to have an abortion or not.

Why?

Because, ultimately, it is the WOMAN who will be taking care of the BABY.…….Statistics shows that!

Now, don’t get me wrong there are men out there who do SHARE in the responsibility of raising their CHILDREN, AND AMEN TO THAT!!! But, there are a lot of men who don’t… AND SHAME ON YOU FOR THAT!!!

I always smile when I see men PROTESTING in front of ABORTION CLINICS. I think it is really funny to see a MAN trying to speak on something that I feel is NONE of their BUSINESS.

I mean, some men and some women are standing behind the fact that it is a SIN to kill.

GRANTED I will give you that, however, we don’t see people protesting about the SINS of these so called protesters.

It’s funny how people are quick to judge one SIN against another;
Like one sin is worst then other.

Sin is a Sin…..big or small

Lesson for today:

“Let’s judge less and love more”

Live, Love and Laugh Often
Charlette Marie

Stay In Your Own Lane

Stay In Your Own Lane!

What is it; with men not staying in their own lane?? I don’t understand why so many men want the same Rights or Privileges as women?
We as women have certain Rights and Privileges that men should not want or care to have. It seems as though; men have become confused about the Rights and Privileges made for women verse the Rights and Privileges made for men.

So, I would like to do a recap on the Rights specifically made for women:

1) To be moody (and, I’m not talking about PMS)
2) Change our mind as often as we like
3) To be pursued by a man
4) To be picked up for a date (if we are comfortable letting the man know where we live)
5) To have a bill or two paid by the man who says “he is interested “
6) To have the trash taken outside by the man who says “he is interested”
7) To have the date paid for in full including the tip (majority of time)
8) To have the man make the first phone call upon meeting (It’s about showing interest)
9) To have doors opened
10) To be treated like a rare and delicate flower that we are!

And, there are so many more!!!!!!

Now, I’m not speaking for or about all women. Because just as some men don’t want to stay in their lane; there are women who don’t want to stay in their lane either.

Also, let’s not forget about the ones who want to ride the middle lane.

And, with that said,

The lesson for today is:

Can we all just stay in our own lanes? Life would be so much easier and perhaps a little happier for all concerned.

Live, Love and Laugh Often

Charlette Marie

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