Are you really available??

OK, this is day 3 of me really thinking about the lack of evolution surrounding our relationships.   

I have a lot going on right now, which has nothing to do with my relationships.  But, the more I think about it; maybe it does, because if I’m feeling stressed, frustrated and overwhelmed, it has to boil over somewhere; and normally, its spills out on to the ones closest to us.  Maybe, I should take a closer look at how my life is affecting those closest to me?  That’s what I really mean, when I say; “the lack of evolution surrounding our relationships”.

When I speak about relationships; I’m speaking in terms of ALL types of relationships. 

Family relationships; Workplace relationships; Neighborhood /Community relationships and of course the relationship, we have with ourselves.  I’m going to examine all aspects of relationships and try to expose the necked truth as to why our relationships are in such a distorted dysfunctional reality? And, ultimately; bring about awareness and a consciousness for all us to put more effort into creating healthier more loving relationships.

Yesterday, I mentioned, that I had met this guy who wanted to be VERY available to me, within 3 days.  I told him, the next man I choose to be with, MUST be available.   I always seem to attract men that are unavailable, either emotionally, mentally, spiritually or physically.  So, when this most recent guy, was trying to be VERY available to me, why did it turn me off????   It was just too much, too soon!!   

So, I guess the real question is, “Do I really want a man to be available to me???  Or was he just not my type”?

This is what some men would say is the problem.  That some women do not know what they want?  But, I wouldn’t say “that at all”. 

 I know what I want…..I just, want…. What I want….. When I want it!!!

 Am I spoiled, or am I exercising my God-given right.

 Only, time will tell!

Until next time,

     Love and Be Loved,

              Charlette Marie

Is He ‘Feeling’ Me?

Well, my quest continues; as I try to unlock the mysteries of this thing we call “Relationships”.  I have a lot questions. Some that have been answered and some that have not.  I have been fascinated with the term ‘relationships’ for a long time.  It is fascinating to me, that we, men and women were put here to co-exist together…….. harmoniously, I would think? But, as we all know, most of us are not experiencing this harmonious way of living in a relationships.  I ‘am in search of answers to questions, old and new as to ‘why’ our ‘relationships ‘are struggling to stay alive.

I heard something today, which was very interesting to me.  I have heard it before, but for some reason today, it was like I heard it for the first time.   You know sometimes we have to hear things at different times, in different ways and from different people; before you actually ‘hear it’. 

Men don’t commit based on a time frame.  They commit based on a ‘Feeling of wanting to commit’. 

Key word there is “FEELING”… Well, who knew that?  It’s not about being with him for years and years or nagging him, giving him good sex, not giving him sex at all, breaking-up with him, only to go back at the end of night or making him jealous.  A man has to FEEL IT!!  And, for the record, he has to feel it, on his own.  There is nothing we can do to push it along.  Very interesting!

I was in a 10 year so-called relationship.  Looking back on it now, I was really in a relationship all by myself.  I can laugh at it now.  I tried every possible ‘game’ in the book, to get this man to commit.  I tried all of the above and some others. And, nothing worked.  Needless, to say, we are not together today. I got tired of trying to make something happen, which just was not going to happen.

Now, on the hand, I just meant a guy a week ago and he was ready to commit.  When I say, “he was ready to commit” he was ready within 3 days!!!! He was “Feeling” something!!!  But, I was not.  He wanted to explore getting to know each other, exclusively.   I have never heard of that!  I can see becoming exclusive, but not starting out a relationship exclusive.  What is that about?

Don’t get me wrong, I felt like that for the 10 year guy. I knew right away, I wanted to be him and only him.   It was a ‘feeling’.  It seems as though; women get the ‘feeling’ more often and sooner, then men. 

I guess another question would be? As women, how do we know the ‘feeling’ means “men want to commit to us or just have sex”?

I have a lot of work to do.

Until next time,

      Love and be loved

                Charlette Marie

My Relationships are a HOT FLAMING MESS!!!

My relationship is a HOT FLAMING MESS!!!

I remember when dating used to be really simple.  He said he liked you. He made time to see you. He called; to hear the sound of your voice. He made you feel special.  He wanted you to meet his mother. HE WAS YOUR MAN.  What happen to the simple days of dating?  Something has happen!!  Men are different and so are the women; myself included. 

The next few months or so; I’m going to take a closer look into how relationships have evolved into what I’m calling a HOT FLAMING MESS!!

Ok, let take an inventory.  What do we know?  We know that there is a very high divorce rate. We know more women are able to take care of themselves…. financially. We know that men and women lack the necessary skills needed to maintain a healthy relationship…. Or do we? We know our young boys are missing father figures and male mentors to teach them how to be THE man in the relationship. (No disrespect fella’s).  We also know our young girls are giving up the cookie, (the sweet stuff) way too soon!!  But, all that still does not answer the question. How did we get here??  Our relationships are A HOT FLAMING MESS!!

I was told that my aunt was at the park with her daughter several years ago; and recalled seeing the little girls chasing the little boys around the park.  When did that happen?  When did it become socially acceptable for girls to be chasing boy or women chasing men for that matter?   When did the tables turn?  And, why did they turn?  It’s my opinion that the change, was NOT for the better.  Relationships are an all time low!   A HOT FLAMING MESS!!

I will be taking a closer look into the breakdown of the family, which I believe has a lot to do with the shift in the relationships.  More partners are cheating and more partners are accepting the cheating.  When did that happen?

It’s funny, my 13-year-old son has been in a 3 year relationship, with the same girl……..yeah, I said 3 years and yes he is only 13 years old.  Anyway, my point is; he has not ventured away from this girl to be with another one.  Now, they have broken up a few times, but have always gotten back together.  I can’t speak on her behalf, so I don’t know if she has remained faithful to him or not.  But, my son has a mind-set to be with one girl at a time.  WOW!!!  I’m wonder if he will always be that way; a one woman-man.  Or will something happen or someone happen to change his outlook.  I know, he is going to experience heartbreaks and heartaches but, depending on how often, will probably determine if he remains the same or not.

As for me, I have had my share of heartbreaks and heartaches.  And, I know that has a lot to do with my attitude towards relationships and my tolerance while I’m in them.  I know, you are supposed to leave the last relationship at the door.  But, that is easier said than done.  I secretly, believe WE all need a little therapy when it comes to maintaining a healthy relationship. I know; I know we don’t need to see anyone; we are doing such a great job at it!! (Smile). But, since we won’t go and speak to someone (professionally), then we owe it to ourselves to try our best to figure out this thing called LOVE, SEX and relationships.

I will be trying to answer my own questions and any questions you may post.  Or maybe we can come up with the answers together.

I must be honest; I’m taking this on for a personal reason. (I will talk more on that in days to come).  But, I’m also hopeful that I will stumble across information that can be useful to others as well.

With all that said, I’m excited about looking deeper into the reasons why our relationships are such a HOT FLAMING MESS! And how we can get back on track in obtaining and maintaining healthy relationships? ……..But, were they ever???? ………That remains to be seen.

Until next time,

    Love and be loved

             Charlette Marie

Where Is The Money?

 Today’s thought is about Child Support. 

I’m so confused why some men do not pay child support?  My son’s father is almost $70.000 behind in child support payments.  I have even sought out the assistance of one of those companies that suppose to help you receive child support. (Can’t remember the name).  However, to date my son still has not received monies owed to him.  It has been at least 6 years since I had initiated contact with this company. …..and nothing!

What is so mind-boggling, is how the child support laws are not being enforced…at least, in my state (Michigan).  My son’s father has come up with every excuse in the book; as to why he cannot or will not pay child support?  His has made excuses ranging from unemployment; for the last 13 years, to being schizophrenic. And based on his actions the last several years, he may have some form of a mental disorder.  There is really no other explanation as to how anyone would choose to 1) not be a part of their child’s live and 2) not feel remotely obligated to help support them.

Currently, my son’s father is classified as a felon due to unpaid child support.  I believe $5.000 or more was the dollar amount to petition to the court to pursue felony charges against him.  And even with that, my son’s father is still beating the system.  He is on probation and has a parole officer, but nothing is being done to enforce the laws that are already in place.

As I have said before, the Friend of the Court is no friend, especially to our children.  In addition, I would like to say a few words to those men who are so worried about where the money is going? 

It takes a lot of money to raise a child. The following is just the short list:

1)     Food

2)     Clothes(spring,winter,fall and summer)

3)     Daycare or after school child care

4)     Medical Insurance (monthly or yearly premiums, Doctor visit co pay’s)

5)     After school activities (Sports, Dance, YMCA, Tutoring etc.)

6)     School breakfasts and/or lunches)

7)     In school activities and field trips  

8)     Shoes (I’m not counting the $100 gym shoes that most kid’s are requesting)

9)     Haircuts

10)  Essentials (deodorant, hair products, lotions)

11)  School supplies

12)  Misc. – Fun Stuff (Video Games, CD’s, Xbox, Cell Phones, IPods, PlayStation, Wii etc.)

13)  Weekend activities with friends (movies, going to the mall, skating, etc.)

14) And, Housing (bedrooms, heat, electric and water etc.) – more of EVERYTHING is used with extra people

 

Of course, this list will become bigger and more expensive as the child gets older.

My question is what could make anyone; Man or Woman choose to not contribute to the upbringing of their child?  WTH!!!!

But, to end this on a positive note.

The statement of the day and a lesson for my life!

Let’s commit to learning more about ourselves (likes, dislikes, wants, needs) and then learn more about the person who we are sexually involved with, before we go all ‘CRAZY’, reproducing more uncertainty in the world.

For more information about pursuing felony charges against the non-custodian parent who is excessively behind in child support payments; contact your local Friend of the Court.  Every situation is different. Your actions may prompt movement of money in your direction.   Good Luck!

Live, Love and Laugh Often

Charlette Marie

Take Care Of You First and Worry About Me Second!

Just Another Question?

Should a MAN have any say so, when it comes to a WOMAN having an abortion?

Well, I say it depends on the CIRCUMSTANCES and the type of RELATIONSHIP the couple has or had.
If they were just SEX BUDDIES or FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS then NO. If they were in a SERIOUS and COMMITTED relationship (and both parties were on the same page), then YES.

This question came to mind; today, because I rode pass an abortion clinic and saw two MEN outside with signs, I guess PROTESTING.

I’ve always wonder why men would protest in front of an abortion clinic? Do they really BELIEVE they have a SAY, in what OTHER women do with their bodies or with what is IN their bodies.

If you haven’t already guessed, I’m Pro-Choice. I believe it is a woman’s RIGHT and hers alone to have an abortion or not.

Why?

Because, ultimately, it is the WOMAN who will be taking care of the BABY.…….Statistics shows that!

Now, don’t get me wrong there are men out there who do SHARE in the responsibility of raising their CHILDREN, AND AMEN TO THAT!!! But, there are a lot of men who don’t… AND SHAME ON YOU FOR THAT!!!

I always smile when I see men PROTESTING in front of ABORTION CLINICS. I think it is really funny to see a MAN trying to speak on something that I feel is NONE of their BUSINESS.

I mean, some men and some women are standing behind the fact that it is a SIN to kill.

GRANTED I will give you that, however, we don’t see people protesting about the SINS of these so called protesters.

It’s funny how people are quick to judge one SIN against another;
Like one sin is worst then other.

Sin is a Sin…..big or small

Lesson for today:

“Let’s judge less and love more”

Live, Love and Laugh Often
Charlette Marie